“The modern banking system manufactures money out of nothing. The process is perhaps the most astounding piece of sleight of hand that was ever invented. Banking was conceived in iniquity and born in sin. Bankers own the Earth. Take it away from them, but leave them the power to create money, and with the flick of the pen they will create enough money to buy it back again…Take this great power away from them and all great fortunes like mine will disappear, and they ought to disappear, for then this would be a better and happier world to live in. But if you want to continue to be slaves of the banks and pay the cost of your own slavery, then let bankers continue to create money and control credit.”
– Sir Josiah Stamp, The Bank of England. (This quote is believed by some to be erroneous. But since the sentiment is essentially correct, we let it stand.)
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“I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. As a result of the war, corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavour to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands, and the Republic is destroyed. I feel at this moment more anxiety for the safety of my country than ever before, even in the midst of war.”
– Abraham Lincoln, in a letter to William Elkin.
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“It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.”
– Henry Ford.
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“Trader C requested low one month and three month US dollar LIBOR submissions at 10:52 am on 7 April 2006 (shortly before the submissions were due to be made); “If it’s not too late low 1m and 3m would be nice, but please feel free to say “no”… Coffees will be coming your way either way, just to say thank you for your help in the past few weeks”. A Submitter responded “Done…for you big boy”.
– From a Final Notice issued by the FSA to Barclays Bank. [“Coffees” seem a peculiarly trivial reward for systemic interest rate manipulation potentially affecting trillions of dollars.]
From: Global Terror HQ, a small but well-appointed cave somewhere in Afghanistan, perhaps
To: All Our Glorious Foot-soldiers Engaged In The Heroic Struggle Against Western Capitalism And Imperialism, And Cousin Fahd In Yemen, And Auntie Pam
Re: Project Mwahahahaha
Fellow Fighters Of The Fight – Greetings !
It has been some time since we have spoken, my friends, and I know that some of you think I have been idle. Nothing could be further from the truth. (And Mustapha, your all-time high score at Tetris is now the #2 high score at Tetris. That’s two goats you owe me, bro.)
I bring news of great progress in our campaign against the infidel. Thanks to some sterling work on the part of various operatives, the global financial system is now very close to complete collapse.
As you are aware, Project Mwahahahaha was initially activated under Double Agent Nixon, who back in 1971 managed to introduce a system of global currencies unbacked by anything – unless you count faith in politicians. (LOL.) It was expanded under Double Agent Greenspan (in just about everything he did), and given a fresh pair of legs thanks to Agents Gramm, Leach, and Bliley who managed to get our friends in Congress to repeal the last remnants of 1933’s Glass-Steagall Act, which prohibited commercial banks from behaving like investment banks – i.e. failing spectacularly at vast public expense.
In recent years, progress toward the full implementation of Project Mwahahahaha has accelerated faster than in our wildest dreams. Agent Abdul’s invention of sub-prime CDOs was an absolute corker – well done, brother. And Agent Khalid’s idea of getting most of Europe behind a common currency with no escape route – what can I say ? Pure genius. A mention in dispatches should also go to our UK operatives, Agents Brown, King, and Goodwin, who although they sound like a 60s popular soul combo, have surely done more to ensure systemic banking disaster than anybody else on our payroll. In fact, it now transpires that they were actually never even on our payroll in the first place ! They were working for us for free. Result!
But Project Mwahahahaha would never have showered its bounty of fruits upon us without the help of those of you tirelessly working on the part of Project Liebor. (You know who you are.) Now that nobody trusts banks even to quote a decent line from Woody Allen, let alone a 3 month Sterling fixed rate, we can say for sure that our grand project is very nearly complete. (And as some of you may already know, our Head of IT, Imad, recently resigned to go work undercover on our behalf at RBS. Respect, Imad!)
As the culminating point in our fight to eviscerate the western banking system, as you should be aware if you read the memo, we had been planning to detonate a small electro-magnetic pulse weapon just above New York, in order to destroy the entire electrical grid and wipe all global bank records, as part of Project Reset Money To Zero. Having seen bankers at work for the last five years, however, it is clear that our project (along with many bank CEOs who will be getting the news over the next few months) is now redundant. A combination of politicians, regulators, and bankers, it now transpires, is perfectly capable of destroying the global financial system without any interference from us. I must say that paying them off in their own increasingly worthless currency, and “backed” by angry taxpayers, was a masterstroke. As a result, Agent Smith in New York, you no longer need to activate that small electro-magnetic pulse device. I understand that Wal-Mart has a full refunds policy.
All that remains is for the last stage of Project Aufwiedersehen, Euro to be implemented. Agent Merkel, you know what to do.
Tim Price is Director of Investment, PFP Wealth Mangement, London.
Categories: News mix